The Assignment
At the Intergalactic Academy of Absurdity—a prestigious school for the brightest (and weirdest) minds in the universe—there was a class unlike any other. It was called “Creature Creation 101,” where students had one mission: to create the most absurd, bizarre, and impractical creature ever conceived and send it to a strange planet where no laws of biology applied. The goal? To outweird everyone else.
In this class, Xhotazhunta Zaraki—a creature with a body that resembled a spiny cactus mixed with a jellyfish—was known for thinking outside the galaxy. His glowing skin and four retractable arms earned him a reputation for being weird. His classmates, all with tentacles, multiple eyes, or in one case, an entity that could only communicate through interpretive dance, feared him.
Today’s challenge was unlike any before. The creature must be functional, yet absurd. It couldn’t just be weird; it needed to be a living, breathing testament to nonsensical brilliance. Xhotazhunta couldn’t help but grin at the thought. This was his time to shine.
The Creatures’ Convention
The classroom buzzed with excitement as students presented their creations. The creatures hovered, crawled, and slithered about in bizarre ways:
- Zylok the Blemish Beast – A giant sphere with hundreds of eyes, but only one of them could see at any given moment, and it had to be fed chocolate to “look around.”
- Gronx’s Puddle-Worm – A giant worm that melted into a puddle of goo at random intervals. Its only form of communication was to splash people in the face.
- Chivlu’s Boring Giraffe – A giraffe, but it was so incredibly boring that no one ever remembered it was there. It could only recite grocery lists in a monotone voice.
But then, it was Xhotazhunta’s turn.
Xhotazhunta’s Masterpiece
With a flourish, Xhotazhunta Zaraki lifted a strange, lumpy egg-like object from his desk. The creature inside it began to shake, glowing neon pink, and a strange humming noise filled the room.
“This,” Xhotazhunta announced proudly, “is the Squidoodlefizz!”
The egg cracked open, and out emerged the most ridiculous creature anyone had ever seen.
It had fifteen ears, each one playing a different song simultaneously. Its body was a combination of a lawnmower, a banana peel, and a rubber chicken. It could breathe fire but only when it was laughing. If you looked at it for more than five seconds, it teleported to another dimension, but only for thirty seconds before coming back. It had six legs—but none of them touched the ground because it levitated, gliding on a thin layer of mystical soap bubbles.
And, most importantly, the Squidoodlefizz had a powerful gift: it could predict the future… but only for the next five seconds.
The Power of the Squidoodlefizz
As the Squidoodlefizz bounced up and down, spinning in circles and emitting strange laser-like burps, Xhotazhunta spoke proudly:
“Behold! The Squidoodlefizz can predict the future, but only in the most useless way possible. It will burp a laser every time it predicts something, and its predictions are always wildly inaccurate. For example, it once predicted that a sandwich would arrive tomorrow but then was immediately proven wrong when the sandwich was delivered ten minutes later.”
The room went silent. Uncertainty filled the air.
“It’s brilliant!” said Professor Xalbok, the interdimensional being who had been teaching at the academy for the last 10 millennia. “It’s the epitome of absurdity. Absolutely impractical and delightfully chaotic.”
The Final Twist
Just as Xhotazhunta was about to revel in his victory, the Squidoodlefizz did something truly unexpected—it ran up to Zylok the Blemish Beast and began eating chocolate right from its eyes.
“Wait a minute!” Professor Xalbok exclaimed, pointing at the Squidoodlefizz. “It’s… it’s… it’s learning from the other creatures! It’s… adapting! This is not absurd anymore! This is evolution! The Squidoodlefizz is no longer a random, chaotic thing—it’s beginning to make sense! It’s becoming purposeful!“
Xhotazhunta’s heart sank. Was his creation failing?
But then, the Squidoodlefizz turned to the professor, and for the first time, it didn’t burp. Instead, it whispered:
“I’ve already seen the future. And it involves tacos.“
The whole room erupted into hysterical laughter, for the creature had just turned the laws of absurdity upside down. It had become so chaotic that it looped back into sensibility, which, of course, was the true essence of absurdity.
And in that moment, Xhotazhunta Zaraki knew he had won.
